Life is so unfair

Oh how Life is so unfair most of the times..
My cousin miscarried today, I feel awful for them.

Second on Wednesday my friend is buying a test, a test to see if she is pregnant. She does not want to be pregnant her family will neglect her even though they weren't married when they had her. Its so unfair she does not want this, she made a mistake and now is possibly pregnant, then there is me who wants a child so bad and I can't have one with out tons of stress and financial burden. Like Seriously how is life fair for this... I don't get it... I can go through the adoption process but it can take years, then a person can sleep with someone one night and BAM!!! LIFE SUCKS!!!

Yes this is a rant and I sound like a cry baby but seriously I am mad! Hurt and don't understand life. I believe in God yes I do, I want to live for him, but sometimes it makes me so mad and I don't know what to believe.... I have wanted a child since I have been like 5, I wanted to be pregnant, then my friends can go sleep with a guy and BAM knocked up! Like seriously, some shouldnt even be parents and for Evan and I who want a baby I DONT GET IT!!!! Like Seriously what the hell is wrong here. I don't get life! Why does God allow us to suffer, then puts children on this earth that suffer to with drug addicted parents, alcoholics. IT makes me so sick to think about it and yes it questions my faith a lot. WHY GOD WHY!! WHY can Jane the hooker on 9th Ave in Vancouver who has AIDS, is a Crack addict sleep with a man tonight with a condom and get pregnant. But Evan and I try for 3 years and nothing..... WHY WHY WHY WHY ME OH LORD!!!

God I pray for peace for this! Its very tough, I pray I find you and feel you, because really the door is not fully opened there. I will believe and trust in you but I can not at all feel you. I feel so awful with this.

I am going to be calling the Ministry this week to talk about Adoption, I will also call my dr to see when I get to go see the dr in cranbrook, I want to go on Clomid now to see if I can Ovulate.


Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh