Wednesday, June 22, 2011

This blows, this is all I seem to write about is heart ache

I never really knew the pain that people suffered when they had 1 child and they were greedy and wanted more. My heart breaks.

I did 6 months of clomid and clomid killed my body Gallstones so every month when I would do clomid I would Suffer bad from gallstones. I lost 60lbs also so it all doesnt help.

This month was our last month for clomid with my dr if we want to do more we have to go to Calgary well I am done.. I can not travel back and forth and put that toll on everyone. And physically I am drained

The pain I suffer each month is not worth it, this month I really thought I had a chance I felt ovulation and we did the deed and well the past 2 days my boobs KILL bill beyond belief. Today I found a test and went to take it and as I took it I was bleeding UGH I hate you AF HATE HATE.

I had a cry and pleeded to God life is not fair why why do I have to suffer when there will be a hooker tonight that gets pregnant.

Then it brought me to my heart being happy with Sean and adoption but the only problem is I do not want it to be another 18 months till we get Sean a sibling.

This past week my best friend had a baby and Sean loved her and wanted to hold and kiss her it was great it melted my heart and I prayed and prayed and prayed for a baby but obviously that is not happening.

This sucks, yes I am so happy to have sean but feel like a failure and just dreed the long adoption process again :( And I want the best for Sean and not just a sibling. I pray hard his mom gets pregnant so I can have a baby have those baby stages.

I hope one day it will happen and I can have a new born