Thursday, January 29, 2009

gone for the weekend

Well today was a good day I got some sleep last night thank God! And I am ready for bed now.

My prayers today are:
Last night I went out for wing night at the bar with my brother and sister in law. My prayer is that a year ago our town was hit hard with two deaths from drinking and driving, two young guys were killed. I went to school with both this boys. Well last night I was at the bar and I saw the one boys mother and sister there and well I guess she is always there both of them and its tough. I Pray for both of them, the mother is in desperate need of prayers and the sister as she is only 25 and already an alcoholic with her mother. I guess the mother can be found at the bar all day long, that is very sad. So I pray for them both and for the rest of their family.

This weekend I am going away to Edmonton for a Christian conference and I am praying that God will work in me and that I will be able to draw close to him. I also pray that God gives us safety mercys while we travel to Edmonton. I ask God to work in my life.
I pray also that God will open the chapter in our life for a child, our own baby or a child that is already born. I pray we see where God is leading us. Its not an easy road to follow and I want to do what God wants.

I pray also for my friend she has asked me to join weight watchers I pray for this that we will be able to make this work in our books, that we will be able to do this together.

I pray tonight for my cousins wife and for him as they go for another ultrasound on saturday and she was on bedrest all week. I pray for Steph who is in the hospital now, God hold onto those babies and allow steph to go 10 more weeks and I pray for Sam's surgo that she holds strong and that those babies go another 10 weeks-16 weeks.

God I pray for the women who had the 8 babies, no one knows her story but I pray for those babies and for her and her 6 other children.

God please be with me this weekend that it will be a weekend to reconnect with you and for a bonding time with my mom!


Tuesday, January 27, 2009


I have met some wonderful people online over the past few years, I am a member of a message board Trying to Conceive and on there I have learned so much about Fertility and some people on there amaze me with what they have gone through.

Tonights post in prayers for 3 of the ladies on there.

God, Tonight I come to you to hold up Samantha, God after reading Sam;s TTC journey my heart breaks for her today Lord, Lord I pray for Samantha and for her Surrogate who is carrying Samantha's twins Lord, she is 20 weeks pregnant and 2cms dilated. Gold I pray the bed rest and the treatment she is receiving will help so Samantha can bring home her beautiful twins.

God I also want to lift up Stephanie Oh God she has been so blessed with this wonderful joy of being blessed with 4 children Lord, Stephanie is only 19weeks and 5 days pregnant God I pray you be with her and that she will not go stir crazy on bed rest God, I pray that you hold these babies in there for another 14 weeks God.

Lord I also pray for my cousin's wife Shannon who is only 6 weeks pregnant I pray you be with her as she has had some spotting Lord. Lord her job is hard and I pray her dr puts her on bed rest so she isnt hurting herself or anyone else at work but not being able to do her job.

God its tough to pray for all these babies, its tough to know how badly I want one and here I am praying for these 7 unborn babies, how lucky these girls are and how hard they have tried to have children.

God my major prayer tonight is for a baby girl named Harper. God I pray tomorrow Harper can breath on her own. Blog to Harper's story

God I am thankful you are a loving and wonderful God and a wonderful Creator. Tonight I pray for these babies and I pray for Evan and myself that we soon will be blessed with a child.

In your mighty and powerful name we pray Amen!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Reason for this blog

So I don't have children and I have a very boring life. A life that deals with fertility issues, stresses and obesity. I have been thinking about starting a new blog about weight issues and about prayers to God, I want to spend much more time in prayer and for me writing it out helps me. But I decided this blog is my life and so here I will start it all.


I struggle with weight issues, I need help, I am lazy and well I have issues with my right leg after breaking it and my back it hurts after being in a trampoline accident. So I need lots and lots of help. And I need to do it, I thought about Gastric By pass surgrey which would help me, but if you watch the Biggest Loser there is a man on there that had it done and it failed ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Anyways I need to go swimming 3 times a week but I need motivation.

I believe in God and try to make him a priority in my life, its tough I try to pray but I feel like I am one of those hyprocrits where they only pray when something bad happens or when they need God.

Well I need God every day.. I am going to post a prayer every day here, I have a hard time reading the bible, I just dont want to follow it as it was written many years ago, dont get me wrong I love God and love Jesus and I believe Jesus is the son of God. But the things in the bible, its crazy it goes back way back when and not it todays times. I hate that Christian's judge about Gays and anything else that is Wrong in the Bible, would it be wrong in God's eyes today? Who knows but do we have the rights to judge NO. So I am very on the edge with the bible and could careless about reading it, does it make me a bad Christian, In my eyes NO, in your eyes Maybe. But there we go judging again. So anyways I know I need to pray more and spend more time in prayers. Things happen and I believe God is a big part of them.

God I ask that you open mine and Evan's eyes Lord to see what you hold for us, what we should be doing Lord. My heart tells me so many things but when I think of it I don't know what to do. My dream Lord and my wants and needs is to have a baby, a baby of my own and a baby to adopt Lord. I want to adopt a child who needs a loving home and loving fun parents, I want a child who has special needs but I am not supported anywhere else for this as we live in a small town that can't support a child with needs as the government has cut back to many things. I have parents who want us to have a normal child. But God even our own child could have special needs.

God please help me to fill out requirements to solve all the adoption ideas I have, and for Evan to be on the same track and Lord I ask that you help us to find a child that is our forever child. Lord I also ask that you help me to conceive a child of my own, a child that Evan and I created with you Lord. A piece of each of us.

Lord right now I just pray for that forever Child that you have for us, that you be with them if they are already born and to bless them and that you be with us and help us with our treatments when we start them. I pray for the child's parents. Lord I pray that you be with me and keep me strong on the days that are tough. Its tough to fight this battle. Its tough to know that their is a child out there that no one is holding tight tonight and for me who desperately wants a child and how hard it is. And there is that parent who has the one night stand and gets knocked up, and goes through drugs for 9 months and that poor child is placed in a foster home and is in need of lots of help for its addiction.

God please help me to understand the hurt/pain/sadness that I am feeling today that I can not conceive a child naturally. God its all I ever wanted to be is a mother and I just ask for your help in this.

Lord I lay this all down to you!

In your name we pray Amen!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009


Well I am feeling so blah lately. I don't know what to do, I feel so down.

I have decided I want to have a baby more then anything, my cousin's are both expecting one in July and one in September. Its very exciting but also very disappointing to me that they are going to have a baby and for us who have been trying for going on 3 years nothing... It sucks!

Its really tough

Evan and I just moved into our own place, I am super excited about that. Its so nice to have our own place. But now I have a spare bedroom with nothing in it, well boxes right now.

I feel so empty, lost, desperate, I feel a great pain deep down into my heart. I am angry, annoyed, frustrated.

I am morbidly Obese and I need to beat myself before I lose. I need to go on a diet and work out and stuff eating crap. I need to give up pop.

I need to fight to have a baby, I need to seek help. I want to have the next Positive and baby. I need it for peace in me. I need it to bring me together and to keep the fight.