Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Confused/Lost

Well I am feeling so blah lately. I don't know what to do, I feel so down.

I have decided I want to have a baby more then anything, my cousin's are both expecting one in July and one in September. Its very exciting but also very disappointing to me that they are going to have a baby and for us who have been trying for going on 3 years nothing... It sucks!

Its really tough

Evan and I just moved into our own place, I am super excited about that. Its so nice to have our own place. But now I have a spare bedroom with nothing in it, well boxes right now.

I feel so empty, lost, desperate, I feel a great pain deep down into my heart. I am angry, annoyed, frustrated.

I am morbidly Obese and I need to beat myself before I lose. I need to go on a diet and work out and stuff eating crap. I need to give up pop.

I need to fight to have a baby, I need to seek help. I want to have the next Positive and baby. I need it for peace in me. I need it to bring me together and to keep the fight.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

We will be praying for peace for you Denise.

You've gone through a big change moving, even though now you are close to your mom .. you left the home you've known for a few years and the adjustment is hard.

Give yourself time to settle... the weight thing is hard .. I know because I am in the same boat.

Hang in there girl ... we love ya lots!!!

Anonymous said...

Weight loss is so hard. I'm giving myself a year and if I don't get it together I'm going for weight loss surgery. I'm praying for you Denise. I don't know what else to say but if you ever want to talk... *hugs*