sigh

So yesterday was the closing date and my stomach is turning and I wish he would get a call, wait he might not even get a call if they aren't interested right ahhhhhh what to do what to do. My brothers good friend gave the guy hiring for this job Evan's resume and put in a good word for him.

So I sit here and wonder and daydream about how much I really want this and how I will feel when he doesn't get it, my stomach had butterflies when the phone rings and when I look in his email and see new emails and then its nothing. I know it just closed yesterday it could be a week before we hear anything ugh..

Don't get me wrong I do like it here and do like my job but really the more I think about it this is not a job I can do forever its a stressful job and make me angry when the 4 year old back mouths me or is rude. If i was to get pregnant I would probably have high blood pressure and have to go on bedrest, know we cant do that with Evans pay now so what would we do, I guess not have a kid....

So I have not told my daycare parents evan applied for a job why worry them or get them upset I will help them find someone and stuff. We have yet to tell Evan's parents either as well that will be the end of the string they will cry and plead with us not to go because they will miss us as they see us a whole lot they never come here and neither does his brother and SIL so screw it why we have no family support in the long run around us. Ahhhhhhh the stress just builds up and that I know I need my mom and family.

Then there is my mom making plans with my SIL about gonig swimming everyday if I come, and I would go to the gym and work out. One can dream right, I dream about winning the lotto I can dream about being close to my family. I really hope this dream comes true.

My health for some reason since I have moved to Southern Ontario my body hate the weather in the summer and my skin breaks out in hives on my hands and arms, well this year it has been awful and I break out on my arms and legs and ankles oh god how itchy my ankles are and my right I can't scratch as I have nerve damage. See not only do I want to move home to be with family I want out of this nasty weather. As we speak its like 36 and SMOGGY...

I need a new start, a fresh start, a start where I know Evan will hang out with Men and not only me or with girls. I have friends I can hang out with. oh I am wishing apon the stars and praying so hard for this dream to come true.