Heart breaking

Where do I stand.

So much going on in my head and I just wish for it not to be this way.
first of all it is so not fair and yeah I am whinning and feeling sorry for myself but really its not fair, a girl I know had sex once with her ex and guess what she is having a baby thats right SEX ONCE with her EX...

This whole job situation why did Evan not hear ANYTHING at all he had all the right qualifications for it and its the job we both dream about. WHY WHY WHY? Why can a friend go and get the best job and have children and what we desire we dont get. I dont get it at all and its heart breaking. I desire to be with my family and I desire to have a child. Or just to have one of those but NO life truely stinks!

So my ex friend and I are well ex friends.. the drama ugh I hate drama and I hate this.

To be honest there is nothing left for me in London, evan has a good job with TD and I have a job I like most days well like 2 days out of the week.

Why are people so skinny and I try so hard and will not lose weight seriously why does one person get picked on all the time.

I am obese, no family close by, and not able to have children naturally. Great!! Life is fanastic! NOT!!!

I just dont get it I want to scream, I feel so down that there really isnt much to look forward to in life. Except for a long ride for fertility treatment, possiblity long waiting lists for adoption. Long trips to go home at Christmas to see the family we desire to be with all the time. Long journey for losing weight. Long time paying off debt because we have to make long trips to see my family so that puts more debt on. FANTASTIC!!

Oh and now we start a new journey and that would be going to our family doctor and getting a new referal to go see a new Doctor. So now the journey for new ultrasounds, new sperm counts, new medicines.........

Can you see what I have to look forward to??

Well what I am looking forward to is this weekend I turn 24 and then a week after that Evan and I are vaction for a week and traveling for 14 hours to see my family for a week. In that week we will spend time with my mom,dad,grandma, aunts and uncles, and friends. We will also celebrate 5 years of being married! We dont have offical plans but I think we will stop in the states on the way home and spend the night and go visit the largest christmas store and eat some yummy german chicken and salads.

I wish I had more positive posts but they never are.