A new week

A new week
Today I move on to a new week and wish it but nothing the best. The week was a week from hell and I hope this one is dreams come true.

For the past 5 years living in London I always wanted to move home or to Calgary, after year one I came to the fact I was ment to stay in London for a bit, then year two came and three and four now were on year 5 and I know I am not ment to be here any longer. Have you ever lived a life you didn't want to? But you do it anyways. That was me being fake and saying yes I do like London. But I do like it, it offers a lot its close to the states and its close to Gag Toronto... Oh yeah if we don't get this job then in 2 years we shall probably be living in Toronto gag me now! I hate Toronto, I never want to raise my family there or near there. I like being 2 hours away. Only go there if I have to.

I know people who try 5 years for a baby and they finally get pregnant after 5 years thats so tough. But its like me 5 years of really wanting something and it might work and it might not. I will be truly devestated if he doesn't.

I guess I am pretty good with patients, I have live in London 5 years and all I have always wanted is to move back home or close to home. And now that we are trying to have a baby for the past two years I can be patient, I know in God's time, it will happen. Just like this job.. I do feel this is GOd's time and I am not sure why its taking so long maybe for me to learn about Patients, Patients with the job and patients with the children I watch who know how to test me to no other level....

I know this is a ramble to some but to me its to get out my feelings and well the only thing I am feeling right now is anxiety with not knowing the details, anxiety in waiting, anxiety in moving on with life. (I have so much I need to do, like passports, book christmas off if we arent moving home) Oh man!!

Last night I hardly slept at all probably from anxiety of waiting for the phone to ring this week, praying its today so I can sleep the rest of the week. I was still awake at 1am ugh then I fell asleep till like 4 and then was awake almost on and off the whole 2 hours later....

I have asked God to just show us if we got the job, and well I was telling my bestfriends sister the other day about it all and she said "Denise don't worry he has the job" So is this God telling me to stop worrying that we have the job and nothing to panic about.

Well I will stop here as really its all the words I need to get out.