What to feel?

So Yesterday the guy called Evan to say that the drug test still wasn't back ugh are you kidding he did it on September 11th. I think they have it, it just didn't get to him yet.

Anyways last night I was talking to my mom's good friend K on facebook and she told me gossip, here is the gossip she told me. My mom is a curler and curl's with her good friend K and she also curls with a lady named M. Well K knows that Evan has applied for this job and my mom told her not to tell anyone. Well K was talking to M at the mall and M told K that she heard we are moving home. K asked how she heard that and M said a lady (T) that works with Evan's (new) boss told M. T told M that Evan has the job. WHY WON'T THE COMPANY TELL US????

Anyways I think its funny and my mom is right pissed off from this... She is so mad that gossip is going around and that its driving us mental but everyone in my flippen town knows. I am from a small town about 3,000 people.

So here is to another day of not knowing the truth!

A new week

A new week
Today I move on to a new week and wish it but nothing the best. The week was a week from hell and I hope this one is dreams come true.

For the past 5 years living in London I always wanted to move home or to Calgary, after year one I came to the fact I was ment to stay in London for a bit, then year two came and three and four now were on year 5 and I know I am not ment to be here any longer. Have you ever lived a life you didn't want to? But you do it anyways. That was me being fake and saying yes I do like London. But I do like it, it offers a lot its close to the states and its close to Gag Toronto... Oh yeah if we don't get this job then in 2 years we shall probably be living in Toronto gag me now! I hate Toronto, I never want to raise my family there or near there. I like being 2 hours away. Only go there if I have to.

I know people who try 5 years for a baby and they finally get pregnant after 5 years thats so tough. But its like me 5 years of really wanting something and it might work and it might not. I will be truly devestated if he doesn't.

I guess I am pretty good with patients, I have live in London 5 years and all I have always wanted is to move back home or close to home. And now that we are trying to have a baby for the past two years I can be patient, I know in God's time, it will happen. Just like this job.. I do feel this is GOd's time and I am not sure why its taking so long maybe for me to learn about Patients, Patients with the job and patients with the children I watch who know how to test me to no other level....

I know this is a ramble to some but to me its to get out my feelings and well the only thing I am feeling right now is anxiety with not knowing the details, anxiety in waiting, anxiety in moving on with life. (I have so much I need to do, like passports, book christmas off if we arent moving home) Oh man!!

Last night I hardly slept at all probably from anxiety of waiting for the phone to ring this week, praying its today so I can sleep the rest of the week. I was still awake at 1am ugh then I fell asleep till like 4 and then was awake almost on and off the whole 2 hours later....

I have asked God to just show us if we got the job, and well I was telling my bestfriends sister the other day about it all and she said "Denise don't worry he has the job" So is this God telling me to stop worrying that we have the job and nothing to panic about.

Well I will stop here as really its all the words I need to get out.

Rambles!

Do you have an addiction?
My addiction is the computer and going onto facebook and a Forum (trying to conceive message board) I just love reading peoples stories. Lately my addiction is Blogs, yes I admit I will read total strangers blogs and I get a kick out of it. I have one I read its about quads and I found one of there friends blogs and they like like 15 blogs of Quads thats fun to read most of the quads are 3 girls to 1 boy crazy! I have always dreamed of having Quads (think its a sign)

Talking about Signs I have been apart of a message board for like almost 3 years Trying To Conceive, Evan and I weren't even off the pill but I was at the board and I loved it, I have stayed around new people come and old people leave but you feel so close to them. I never knew I would have a difficult time trying to conceive, I am from a small town where this stuff doesn't really happen. Well I am glad I have found this board.

Well this is the week... Evan called friday and the guy said he would let him know early this week... OMG!! Please prayer for us! Prayer that he gets the job and that we can move back to BC in the Mountains! Its what we both need and want!

Well I hope to update with great news. Everyone says we have it and not to worry but I still do and am feeling very emotional about it, if he doesn't get it not sure how I will react. I already feel very depressed over this and not sure how I will be if we don't get it.

Evan and I were cleaning out the basement today and holy crap do I ever have alot of crap!! I only have 5 rubbermaid boxes and 1 christmas tree and 1 fire place I would take with me back home the rest could go!

Week of hell

Have you ever just had a week that you wish you could either start over or just burn it.. I guess I wouldn't want to start over because that just means it will be worse.

Today is Friday thank god!

A lot of its from stress I will admit the whole waiting game, being asked 50 times a day if we have heard. I think today Evan will call and ask what the status is and when they expect to tell him if he got it or not. The waiting game is the hardest.

I have 3 little boys who I watch who I love to pieces, they are all so different and I have one who is so attached and don't get me wrong I love him but he knows how to push the button and drive me completely insane but I still love him.

Yesterday I had a melt down with one screaming all day long and I cried for 20 minutes and was just praying that God help me through it. Today so far is a better day.

My mom sent me this message today on msn
:) this smile is for you today. I am praying you have a good day

Dirty Diapers

So have I ever told you that I can't smell, due to so many sinus infection I can't smell. The last two weeks have been the best every that I can't smell, why because 3 of my 6 children have a virus and it lasts 10-15 days and its smelly gross loose bowel movements. Yesterday I changed 12 poopy bums, 12 man like 3 kids in diapers in say 9 hours 12 sick gross diapers..... That is not even 1 every hour oh no of course not! Today I have had one already lets hope I don't have to change 12! Thats all I feel like I am doing lately is changing stink gross bums and applying cream as there is a nasty but rash with this virus. Maybe because you have like 5 poopy diapers a day and its just nasty.

On to other things, I am trying to move on today and have a better positive outlook on life. Tonight our friends are coming over and are going to help Evan with the last bit of flooring, then we can move out all the junk from the one room and put it in the big room and do the little room and then buy the baseboard and then we are DONE... It looks okay, its not a professional job but its okay! So I am hoping by sunday we can have the whole basement done and move on with the rest of the house... wait who am I kidding we still have to paint the room too oh darn forgot about that... Well if he gets it done tonight tomorrow we can move everything out and then friday start painting... then saturday paint and then sunday lay floor aaaaaaaahhhhh now were talking.

ughhhhhhhhhh

I am done, I am losing hope..

I just want to say forget it, even though I know it could take longer but this last month has consumed so much of me and my sanity I am so done with it.

Yesterday he called to ask the secretary if she received the faxes and we had emailed her last Friday and still nothing.. Like seriously! I am done

If he doesnt get it I will be seriously upset and if he does then I will be jumping for Joy!

I know we shouldn't have told so many people what if he doesn't get it.

Please Lord have Mercy on us and make them call us with good or bad news so we can move on in life.

JUST CALL ALREADY!

Today I sit here stressed beyond stressed... I just need that phone call or the email to say you have been hired.

I know I need to have more patients but I must say I have had tons of patiences. This has been going on now for a MONTH a whole flippen MONTH he had the 1st interview a month ago and the second one like 2 weeks ago, like come on people!

I have told all my families that it is a possibility that we will be moving and well some have started to look for care :( I am devestated I know and a whimp. I was worried that if he didn't get the job would they leave but we only have one to worry about and thats my two as they have found someone and have to let them know on Monday. SO PLEASE CALL BEFORE MONDAY!!

I am so stressed that I had a sinus infection and got over it for a day or two and now my throat is killing me.. ugh I do believe I have strep throat. Oh man and I haven't really eaten much in like 4 weeks and everything I eat goes through me.... TMI I know but seriously come on how much more can my body take. Evan and I are stressed with each other and bickering because of the stress. I need to know the answer, I need it in writing.

There is a big part of me in the back of my mind saying what if they don't want him now? What if What what what???? Oh man please just call to ease my mind over this!

He summited the medical form last night and the drug test takes 10 days but I am praying its done today. and they let us know tomorrow...

Please God let us know the answer! To our prayers...

99% sure

Well I am 99% sure he has the job, last week he had to do a chest x-ray, blood test, full physical and a drug test. The drug test takes 10 days to be completed so we are waiting so probably wont get the official you are hired till next Friday or the following Monday, it needs to go faster. I am okay though I am at peace with waiting... I don't think I will be at peace if they tell him no.

I have told some of my parents at the daycare, they are upset. I don't blame them but still I feel bad for it. But I am also thinking what is best for Evan an I.

Well Ike has hit Texas and I think Ike will be coming to hit us soon, we are calling for like 5 inches of rain. Its crazy man how much rain. The wind is picking up.

Tomorrow Evan's cousin Lindsay is going in for surgery, she is getting a metal rod placed in her back, her spine is awful. This is her moms blog, http://inspirationcreation.blogspot.com/


So please pray for Lindsay
Also for us that we hear soon and get the ball rolling

What a day!

Well yesterday was the day! Evan said it went awesome and he feels the guy would have hired him on the spot. Which I hope is a good sign, he had to get one more work reference so we had to track people down as of right now he can not use his current job as they are a bank and can not share information dumb I know! But whatever! So they said they will be in touch this week. It was kinda a dumb interview as they asked him the same questions as they did on the phone that day. So it was to see what he looked like and who he was.

I slept alone all by myself at first I was scared to do this as I hate sleeping alone, my friend was going to come sleep over but she was out with her boyfriend so I said forget it as I was tired and wanted to go to bed. I had Nevin so we cuddled and he went to sleep and I played on my computer for 2 hours. Went to bed at 10 and at 1:30 there was a massive storm and it woke Nevin and I both up boooooooo, it took a bit to fall back to sleep but we finally did. then the phone rang at 6:30 it was my darling husband saying he was home I had to go unlock the chain on the door.

Please continue to pray for the job, we feel that we are going home so does a lot of other people.

On bended Knee I come!

I believe in God, and I pray daily and well right now I know I just need to leave it at the throne of Jesus.

On bended knee I come
With a humble heart I come
Bowing down before Your holy throne
Lifting holy hands to You
As I pledge my love anew
I worship You in spirit
I worship You in truth
Make my life a holy praise unto You

God I pray so much for this Job Lord Jesus, you know where I stand in life and you know my needs God and God this is a big need I need for this job so I can spend time with my family in our rough times through fertility and also through weight loss Lord, I need a coach and I know my mom will be kicking me the whole way Lord God. God Evan and I have been waiting for this job for 5 years Lord. I ask that you give him the words to say and that you just bless his heart tomorrow during the interview and be with him tonight that he gets a restful sleep and God be with him on the plane and keep him safe while he is flying to calgary and while he is in calgary and while he flies back home Lord Jesus.

I ask all this Lord in your name

Amen

Dude what to do?

Oh man have you ever felt your heart beating so fast and your head spinning from what needs to be done and what you need to do..

Evan flies to calgary on Monday for an interview its crazy!! They paid for him to fly out to meet him, I do believe we are moving to BC.... But there is still chance they won't like him, there is still chance for him to screw up, there is still chance they offer him a low ball... So here is to the future and hoping for the best!

If we do move, we will have to sale sale sale! Garage sale, house sale.....

So I feel like a jerk, Rachel who I watch her kids is a good friend and well I have wanted to tell her the whole time but can't put myself at that risk that he doesnt get the job and I lose my job as they would probaby freak and go find someone else to care for the kids... So what to do... I feel awful come on Rachel and I are good friends and today I was talking with her and I have dropped many hints and she always says do you have something you need to tell me and I said nope. Oh man what a jerk am I...


Also.... do you think I am crazy I have 3 boys under 20 months old oh my gosh tell me how crazy I am.. today has been so crazy with all and of course little N who naps when he feels like it and not when I want him to GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR... So the other two just woke up and N went to sleep... what about my quiet time come on people!!

Well thats all the time today!